


The Colors That Bind Us

by yasminakohl



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Homophobia, M/M, Not Captain America: Civil War Compliant, Soul Bond, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-05-04 01:02:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5314139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yasminakohl/pseuds/yasminakohl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Steve Rogers was six a boy saved him from a bully, then sky went from white-gray to brilliant blue.</p><p>When Bucky fell, the world stayed colorful and everyone told him it was because of the serum, he believed them.</p><p>When he woke from the ice and he finds the black and white he'd expected years ago, sixty-six years ago it seems, he's crushed.</p><p>Now there's color again, this time it comes with amazing reds and golds. </p><p>Until he wakes up and his sky is brilliant and his color mate is trying to kill him, his first color mate.</p><p>Will Steve ever be able to have his blue, red and gold?</p><p>(Mostly because fuck you Marvel and your evil Civil War)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Colors That Bind Us

**1921**

James and Steve were to young to understand what it meant when they truly met for the first time and the wall behind Steve changed from darkish gray to burnt red and the sky to a brilliant blue. Of course they didn't really know what burnt red was either. They knew the shade of grey they saw meant red, they where taught that last year in kindergarten. They knew all their shades. But that had been to fine of a shade to teach kindergarteners.

They sort of understood that the wall changing meant that they were going to be with each other a long time. They weren't babies after all.

After James pushed the bigger seven year old off of Steve, they clasped hands and ran as quick as their six year old legs could carry them around the corner into the street and down a block to their building.

James's family had moved in last month and though James and Steve had gone to the same primary school the year before, but they had been in different rooms. They'd seen each other here and there but had never spoken to each other, had never touched. Now they'd done both and the wall was red, the sky was blue and the ground was brown and the road was black, but not the black they'd been seeing for all their six years.

Inside in the little landing of their building James and Steve heaved trying to get air into the overworked lungs.

Steve stood up and said, "Thanks Bucky."

"My names not Bucky. It's James. James Buchanan Barnes." James offered proudly. He had both his Ma's and his Pa's names.

"Oh, well you look like a Bucky to me. I'm Steven Grant Rogers."

"What's a Bucky look like?"

Steve smiled, "Like you."

James rolled the new name around in his head for a second, then shrugged, "'Kay."

The boys looked up as someone opened the door to see Bucky's mom come in with a bag from the grocers and his little sister. "Hi Ma. This is Steve. Can he come up with us? Think I'm suppose ta watch out for him. There's colors and stuff all the sudden. And he gave me a new name."

Winifred Barnes blinked at her oldest and so far only son, Lord only knew what the one she was carrying was going to be. "Sure Jam- well what's your new name?"

"Bucky." He answered smiling.

Winifred thought for a moment, "Hm, he's right, you are a Bucky."

Bucky glowed. His ma liked his new friend, even liked his new name. "Can you teach me how ta write it so I can use it at school?"

Winifred tried to keep the exhaustion from her voice, "Sure baby. Come on, Rebecca is getting kinda big."

"I can take her Ma. I'll help her with all the steps."

With his most earnest look Steve said, "I can take her other hand. We'll go real slow, Mrs. Barnes."

"Alright. You boys be careful and make sure you don't take a tumble either."

Bucky reached out and helped set Rebecca down on the floor, and Steve took her hand. The small trio took ten minutes to go up the three flights of stairs but Rebecca was having to much fun to get upset and start crying. Bucky would count ten steps then Steve would count the next ten. Each time they got to the ten they would stop and tickle Rebecca 'til she squealed.

In the Barnes's apartment, Winifred put their groceries in the ancient ice box and pulled out the cookie jar she had hidden from Jam-Bucky. The name just fit her boy better.

She heard both her babies giggles at the door and smiled. Rebecca didn't often take to strangers but then the boys had said they saw colors now.

And wasn't that a corker, seeing colors so young. It wasn't unheard of but still. And two boys to boot, well what was a mother to do but keep them fed with cookies and love until they were big enough to deal with the world.

"Steve, what's your mother's name?" Winifred asked when they got Rebecca wrangled into their tiny kitchen.

"Sarah Rogers. We live in 4B." Steve pulled himself up into the chair next to Bucky.

"Is she home?"

Steve shook his head and dropped his chin to his chest. "No ma'am. She's at work at the hopstipal."

"Hospital." Winifred corrected.

"Yes ma'am."

"Where's your daddy?"

"He died in the war. He was in the 107th." Steve offers proudly. "I don't member him much."

"That's alright. You remember him as much as you can. He'd be real proud of the way you helped Bucky with Rebecca."

Steve smiled big and shimmied in the chair at Bucky's Ma using his name.

"Now what's this about colors?"

"Mama, it was so swell!" Bucky sat up on his knees so he could get closer to his mom, "This bigger kid was trying to push Stevie and I ran over and pushed him back and I toll Stevie to run, then the wall was red!"

"Oh my, what brave boys. Why was the boy trying to push you Steven?"

"Um, he said I was ta small ta be on his street. But Mama left me a whole penny for candy. I got all stars last month on my spellin' tests." Steve explained quietly.

Bucky stares at Steve with awe, "Wow. I can't ever get a star."

"You always get stars on your arithmetic papers." Winifred offered.

Bucky shrugged, "That's no big thing. Arithmetic's easy."

"No it's not." Steve said very quietly.

"I guess you boys will have to help each other then, hmm?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Sure Ma."

"So colors huh?" Winifred asked again.

"The wall went all red!"

Winifred picked up a piece of cloth she used for cleaning and asked "Like this?"

"Sorta." Bucky nodded.

"Mrs. Barnes, what time is it?" Steve asked softly.

"Almost five."

"Thank you."

"What time is your ma going to be home?"

"Not 'til seven." Steve thought for a second, "I have two hours."

"See you can do arithmetic." Bucky smiled.

Steve ducked his head down.

"Since its such a big day, I'll let you boys each have cookie before supper. Then you can get to your homework while I cook. Bucky why don't you and Steve go get his homework?"

"Yes Ma."

The pair dropped down off their chairs and scrambled out the door. Winifred leaned against the counter, she was going to have quite a bit to tell Jim when he got home from the yard.

The pair returned quickly and back at the table working on their homework, but not before Bucky made Winifred show him how to write his new name. She told him he needed to tell his teacher about it so she knew who's work it was. He looked up at her with wonder and love. "You're so smart Ma." She kissed his head and went back to the stove.

At a few minutes after seven Winifred asked Steve if he wanted to walk to to his apartment. He nodded, "Can Bucky come, so my Ma can meet him?"

"Of course."

Rebecca was asleep in her crib, so Winifred stepped next door to ask Mrs. Harken to listen in on her and that they would be up in the Rogers's apartment. Then up the threesome went.

Sarah had just hung up her coat when Steve pushed the door open. "Oh my, look at you. Did you enjoy your candy?"

Steve shook his head. "I didn get ta get it." He pulled the penny from his pocket.

Sarah saw the brunette boy and a slender brunette woman in the doorway. "Who are your friends Steven?"

"That's Bucky and his ma, Mrs. Barnes."

Winifred stepped forward, her hand out, "Winifred Barnes, Mrs. Rogers. They seemed to have had quit the adventure today."

"Oh? And what mischief did you get into while I was at work?" Sarah asked, a smile on her lips.

"Jack pushed me. Said I 'twas ta little ta be on his street."

"Oh you ignore those big ol' mean bullies. You are exactly the way God made you."

Steve nodded.

"So what else, because I know you get into bigger adventures than that while I'm gone."

"Bucky came over to help me and the sky went blue Ma!" Steve offered with amazement.

"Well that is an adventure."

"He gave me a name to." Bucky said.

"A name? You mean your names not Bucky?" Sarah asked confused.

Bucky shook his head. "No ma'am, it's James Buchanan Barnes. But Stevie said I looked like a Bucky."

"Well now that you mention it you do look like a Bucky."

Bucky bounced on his toes. Two grown-ups said Stevie was right.

"And you gave him a new name to."

Bucky's eyebrows went together as he thought, then shot up, "Oh Stevie."

"Yes Stevie, it fits him as well as your Bucky."

Bucky smiled big and skipped to stand next to Stevie.

"Why don't you boys go check on Rebecca for me. Mrs. Harken is sweet but she's a little hard of hearing."

"Okay Ma. Come on Stevie." Bucky grabbed Steve's hand and they were off again.

"Oh Bucky be carful with Stevie, he's very small." Sarah called out.

"Okay Mrs. Rogers," floated down the hall, along with a pained, "Ma!"

Sarah dropped into a chair.

"Not what you wanted to come home to?" Winifred asked.

"That boy is going to be the death of me." Sarah chuckled. "He's a good boy, but he forgets how small he is."

"He had dinner with us, and a cookie. I hope that's alright?"

"Oh yes. Thank you. I'm sorry, please, sit. I'm out of sorts."

"I understand, I'm two hours ahead of you."

Sarah laughed, "Well then one of us has their heads about them."

Winifred smiled. "He's a very nice boy. He helped Bucky straight away with Rebecca and did his homework. Bucky did help him with his arithmetic."

"Oh he has such a hard time with numbers."

"And Bucky has a hard time with spelling. Steve told us he got stars all last month."

Sarah smiled. "So the boys...?" She let the sentence drop off. Not all parents would approve you their son's color mate being someone else's son.

"Will be fine. Jim and I are happy he found his color mate. Or Jim will be when he gets home."

"I'm sure he told you about his father."

"He's very proud of him."

"We both are. I haven't been able to teach him as many shades as I should have." Sarah sighed. She'd known the second Steve's father died. Her pretty red tulip had turned grey.

"It must have been awful."

Sarah smiled sadly. "I manage. But Steve, my sunshine, deserves everything to be beautiful."

"We'll all do our best to give it to them both."

 

**Five years later**

 

"Lookie lookie, what I see. If isn't Rogers, the queer boy."

Steve sighed. Jack still hadn't changed. Steve was still small for his age but Jack had moved on to teasing Steve about his color mate. Five years of queer boy, fairy boy, homo boy, and any other name a 12 year old mind could drag up. No one else bothered them. All the grown ups left them alone. Well, not alone, because they were under aged color mates, but no one harassed them about being inverted. Inverted color mate were allowed to by the church. But only for color mates, because God put you together. If you weren't with your color mate then you were perverse and going to hell.

"Jack Sanders, you leave that boy alone right now." Mrs. Harken said standing on the last step of their stoop. "I know your mother raised you to respect color mates."

Jack sneered one last time before turning towards Mrs. Harken, "Yes ma'am."

"If I see you giving either of those boys trouble, I'll be taking it up with your parents."

Jack's face crumbled.

"I know what kind of boy you are. You're a bully. If I see you hurt one more person, I'll see to it you get the switching of your life, young man."

"Yes, Mrs. Harken." Jack slinked off, head hung low.

"Thank you, Mrs. Harken, but it won't help. He'll just make sure to catch me somewheres else."

"I'll have a talk with his Ma and Pa. I know they were raised right."

"Yes Mrs. Harken. Don't tell Bucky, please. He gets awful sore about this kinda thing."

"Alright. But only sos he doesn't get in trouble with his Pa for brawlen again."

Steve smiled. "Thanks." Steve walked upstairs and dropped on to his bed. He loved Bucky, loved him with everything he had, but some days he wished one of them was a girl. And as small as he was, he knew it should be him. He picked up his sketch pad to distract himself and drew for a few hours. He finally stopped torturing himself after the sixth picture he drew was of him as a girl with Bucky and made his supper. Finally he gave in and went to bed. This would be one of the few days he wouldn't see Bucky. The Barnes's had gone to visit his grandmother and wouldn't be back until tomorrow after church. Sometimes Steve would go with them since they were color mates but he'd hadn't been feeling well and hadn't been up to it.

Steve fell asleep and didn't here is mom come in. She watched him sleep for a few minutes before taking his pad from his limp hands and setting it on the table. She wished she could see his hair. It was so light gray it had to be light blond. She missed seeing his blue eyes. They had been the same shade as his fathers, last she had seen.

She knew she was sick. She knew she'd find her color again, she just didn't know when.

Five years later

Bucky caught up with Steve at the stairs, "We looked for you after. My folks wanted to give you a ride from the cemetery." Bucky watched the one person he loved in the world walk around shattered.

"I know, I’m sorry. I just…kind of wanted to be alone."

"How was it?"

"It was okay. She’s next to Dad."

"I was gonna ask…" Bucky tried to bring up moving in together. Again.

"I know what you’re gonna say, Buck, I just…"

Bucky bit off the sigh, "We can put the couch cushion on the floor like when we were kids. It’ll be fun. All you gotta do is shine my shoes, maybe take out the trash."

"Come on."

Steve's patting his pockets looking for his key, "Thank you, Buck, but I can get by on my own."

Bucky moves the brick and grabs the spare key, holding it out for Steve, "The thing is, you don’t have to. I’m with you till the end of the line, pal."

Why couldn't Steve just accept that God put him with Stevie to take care of him, not because Steve needed to be taken care but because he deserved it?

 

**Three years later**

 

"What do you mean I'm red color blind? I see red. I met my color mate at six." Steve tried to stay calm.

"It happens, kid. It's like all the rest of your health problems. Your color mate would be to."

"What, the first color Bucky saw was a brick wall." Steve explained, how could they both be red colorblind. The man had on a red tie right now.

"It's not all the reds, just some of them. Your eyes aren't right so he can't see them either. It's happened with other couples. Let me tell you, a sighted and a blind color mated couple...oh boy, that's a mess." The doctor picked up the 4F stamp and pressed it gently to the manilla paper as if it would hurt Steve less.

Steve sighed. The color blindness wasn't enough to disqualify him from the army, Bucky neither, but his rheumatic fever, his scarlet fever and his scoliosis and the rest of the list... any one of those was enough.

Steve took his 4F card and left. Bucky had been cleared 1A weeks ago. Bucky hadn't mentioned the color blindness. Steve trudged back to their apartment and sat on the couch. He stared at the results as if they would change.

Bucky came in a half hour later covered in grime from the docks. "I'm gonna go shower. I'll be back in five an ya can tell why you're so blue." Bucky was gone before Steve could snort at how close he was to the truth.

Steve got up and made them supper, what little there was. Boiled potatoes with barely enough butter to be able to gag them down. Bucky was true to his word and was back in five minutes drying his hair as he walked back in their tiny living room.

Bucky walked straight over to Steve dropping the towel on the chair just before he picked Steve up and sat down on the couch, Steve in his lap. He got slugged in the shoulder for his trouble.

"I told you I hate it when ya do that." Steve grouched.

"I know, it's why I do it. Now tell me what's got my best fella all blue."

"Stop sayin' that. And I better be your only fella." Steve shoved the shoulder he'd just punched.

Bucky was confused as he often was when it came to his Stevie. "What did I do?"

"You don't see reds."

"Oh." Bucky was surprised at the question until it dawned on him how Steve could have known, "Wait, damn it Steve. I told ya not to go down to the recruitment board." Bucky growled, the only way Steve would know about that is if he'd tried to join up.

Steve sat stiffly in his lap, Bucky could feel the tension rolling off him. "I got ta try Buck."

Bucky's heart lurched, the thought of Steve on the front, slogging though mud, blood, and guts, "No ya don't. Ya got ta stay here and be safe."

"Oh yeah like being half a queer color mate pair is safe." Steve shot back with.

"When I get called up I wan ya ta stay with my folks." Bucky asked softly.

"No."

Frustration flashed through him again, "Aww come on Stevie, you could finish art school. And I won't have to worry about ya so much when I'm half a world away."

"No."

"Why ya got ta be so stubborn?"

"'Cause I got stuck with a color mate that doesn't tell me we're colorblind ta reds."

Bucky mumbled something but Steve wasn't able to hear it, he could feel the vibrations, Bucky was turned to his bad ear. "What was that?"

Bucky huffed a breath out, "And some yellows."

"I can't even do that right." Steve cursed.

"Who says its you?"

"The doc at the boards." Steve's shoulders slumped, he let himself fall forward on to Bucky's chest.

Bucky pulled Steve in closer and laid his head against the side of Steve's. Steve's been so hard on himself since he'd lost his Ma's apartment. He'd finally agreed to let Bucky move in with him. It had been the best worst day of Bucky's life. Best day because he finally got to live with Steve; worst day because Steve felt like he'd failed.

Bucky nudged Steve's head, Steve leaned back and Bucky kissed him. They kissed for a long time, before Bucky broke it, leaning their foreheads together. "I didn't tell ya because I knew ya'd take all the blame. Just 'cause we're color mates doesn't mean everything's your fault. You didn't make us colorblind. It jus is. I didn't get your scoliosis. Or your asthma. Or anything else that tries ta take ya away from me. We're mated, not robot clones or somethin."

Steve snorted.

"We see all the colors, just not all of the shades. Until the board, we didn't know so it's not like we were missen somethin."

Steve nodded, he understood, it just didn't sit right with him. He kissed Bucky again and this time pushed for more. They'd gone as far as rubbing off on each other a few times but they still hadn't gone all the way. Truth be told Steve was still just a bit scared. They had to take different color mate classes at church because they were inverted, they couldn't take the usual marriage courses. Their classes taught that they should have a purely platonic relationship. That there was no need for a sexual relationship between inverted color mates because they couldn't procreate. Bucky thought it was horse shit, but Steve tried to be a good Catholic.

Bucky moaned into the kiss and pulled Steve as close as he could, his hand on Steve's perfectly round ass checks. He was rewarded with a hard fought moan from Steve. Bucky kept the smile to himself as he felt Steve shift against him. He let Steve get lost in the feelings before he started rocking a counterpoint rhythm. As Steve slid up, Bucky slid down, they may have forgot to keep their moans to a minimum, but no one in their new building would really care.

Bucky shifted them so he was laying on his back, Steve could get a little edgy if he was pinned. It's stopped their fun more than once. This time Steve moved with him and pressed down harder and they rutted against each other. Bucky couldn't believe his luck tonight. Usually by now they'd have stopped and started about four times. They might get to finish all in one go tonight.

Bucky loved the little whimpers Steve was making, the half little grunts.  
He took a chance and shifted his hand up under Steve's shirt, feeling Steve's skin. Steve moaned a little deeper, ground down a little harder. Bucky let a louder gasp slip free. He slid his hand down and under Steve's trousers. It felt amazing to feel Steve's ass for the first time, skin to skin. His cock hardened even more, if that was even possible.

The gasp that broke free from Steve made Bucky cringe that maybe he was about to call a stop to the whole thing, but instead he was rewarded with the best sound he'd ever heard, his name on Steve's lips.

"Oh God Stevie, I'm begging you, don't make me stop." Bucky's voice was gravely and harsh.

Steve answered with one as wrecked as his own, "I won't, I can't. I don't want to." Steve babbled. "Just want to feel good with you."

"Everything feels good with you, baby."

Steve whimpered, "Say it again."

"Baby." Bucky pressed Steve down into him and felt the shiver and the flood of warmth over his hip as Steve came.

Bucky came two quickly seconds later, a husked out, "Stevie," the only sound he made.

@@@

Over the next couple months Bucky found two more 4F cards in Steve's pockets. Each time tired Bucky's soul. Why wouldn't Steve let him have the piece of mind of him being safe here in New York? He didn't press, he knew it would just start a row between them and now Bucky had gotten his telegram an hour ago. He'd already gone to basic and now had the papers.

He'd leave first thing in the morning. His heart was torn to shreds. He wanted nothing more than curl up with his fella and hold him 'till he couldn't forget the feeling of Steve in his arms. 'Till there was a Steve shaped indentation in his heart that would never fade. Steve had gone to the movies according to the note on the table.

"You just don't know when to give up, do ya?"

"I could do this all day." Bucky knew that voice anywhere, it was the voice of Steve being bigger than he was again. It was his least favorite sound in the world.

The thug wasn't much, a swing and a miss and the guys shuffling off down the ally. Bucky tried to hide his sigh, "Sometimes, I think you like getting punched."

"I had him on the ropes." Steve grumps. He hates when Bucky's the one to save him from his over sized sense of righteousness.

Bucky picks up the newest piece of manilla paper, "How many times is this? Ah, you’re from Paramus now. You know it’s illegal to lie on your enlistment form. And seriously, Jersey?" Bucky tried to swallow but there was no way that was going to happen.

Steve finally looks up at him, and Bucky's heart lurches, then it's right up in his throat with the lump he can't swallow past, "Did you get your orders?" He hears Steve ask. He had to answer the worst question of his life, "The one-o-seventh. Sergeant James Barnes. Shipping for England first thing tomorrow."

"I should be going." Bucky dies in that ally, just a little more. Steve's going to do anything to get over to the front. Bucky knows it, knows it with the same sureness that he felt the day Steve first called him Bucky. "Come on, man! It’s my last night. Gotta get you cleaned up."

"Why? Where are we going?"

"The future." Bucky flicks him the paper he was holding, maybe in some other version of the world they'd head off with a couple dames, but here, in this universe, Bucky pulls his battered color mate to him and breathes the scent of Steve's hair in. They walk to the expo and Bucky commits every detail he can to memory. The sound of Steve's steps, one foot a slight shuffle from the weak knee, the sound of his ragged breathing, still labored after the fight, not just in the ally but with Rhumatic fever, Scarlet fever, asthma. The slight chilled feeling of Steve's hand in his from the high blood pressure, that makes everything else even harder to treat, in his love.

Bucky watches Steve look to the recruiting booth more than once. He knows Steve will try again. Maybe even tomorrow while he's on the train to the boat. But tonight he knows Steve's safe. He takes it. They watch Stark's car fly, for about three seconds, but hey no ones else's got a car that flew. They wander for another hour before heading back to their apartment.

In their tiny little room, Bucky shucks his uniform, not caring that it's going to wrinkle. He pulls Steve to him the moment their down to skin. They'd stopped sleeping with clothes when Steve gave in and stopped fighting their sexual needs. They still hadn't crossed that final line but maybe tonight.

Steve had gotten more comfortable with him laying on his back, and Bucky loved the way he looked framed by Bucky's arms. They always started the same way, slow kisses and grinding together, their precome slicking the way between them. Tonight Steve did something different. He reached for Bucky's hand and guided it to his side, then down his body to his hip.

Bucky nearly died. Steve was going to let them finish what started when they were six. Bucky's head spun at the nearly silent plea, "Please Bucky."

"Of course baby." Bucky shifted over to their rickety bed table and picked up the tub of Vaseline. He'd heard around that this was not the best thing to use, clean up, he'd heard was a bitch. But it was what they had. "Just keep kissing me. Kay, it'll take a bit but we got all night to make this right."

Steve nodded and did what he was told for once in his stubborn existence and kissed Bucky.

They never stopped until Bucky had three fingers slipping in easily and they both were sticky with their own precome. Steve moans were ragged and would worry Bucky if they kept up longer than they took to come and calm down. However the second Bucky slipped into Steve all thoughts and worries disappeared at the feeling of Steve body fluttering around him. His arms were shaking and wanted to give out, then Steve's legs wrapped around his waist pulling him in deeper and Bucky locked them dropping his forehead to Steve's and fought like hell not to come. They stayed still for a moment then Steve shifted and the calm broke. He dove into Steve with a force he would have never dreamed of using on his fragile mate, but Steve answered it with a force of his own.

This was how the night went, over and over again. They had finally taken the last step and they wouldn't be stopped. So what if Bucky was wrung out on the train tomorrow, he'd rather sleep through the sorrow of not seeing Steve anytime soon, if ever again.

Six times they made love, six times they started slow with kisses but ended up tearing into each other. The last time was only two hours before Bucky had to leave. Steve slipped into an exhausted sleep that Bucky knew he wouldn't wake from any time soon. He cleaned them up as best he could, then dressed and sat down to write Steve one last letter.

Bucky set the letter next to Steve's medications, kissed his love one last time, and left before he could do the worst thing if his life and miss the train that would take him from his Steve.

@@@

Steve woke to cool sheets and a hole in his heart. It was roughly the size of a missing sergeant. He saw the letter on the bed table but couldn't make himself reach for it. He wasn't ready for Bucky's last words to him. If he didn't read it, Bucky was at the corner grabbing the morning paper, he was at the diner getting a cup of joe, he was at the garage getting covered in grease Steve would never get out of his work shirt. If he didn't read the letter then the tears pooling on his pillow weren't real and he wasn't alone for this first time in his life.

Steve knew he talked a good game about being alright, being able to take care of himself, but at the end of the day Bucky had always been there.

If Bucky could understand why Steve wouldn't move in with his folks and his sisters. It was because of this, they would see how broken Steve was. How bad of a fit Steve truly was for their son. How useless and unimportant he was to everyone but one James Buchanan Barnes.

Steve cried until he had no more tears to shed. He shivered with the cold of a shattered heart until he knew he had to move, if nothing else to get more blankets. He knew without Bucky's extra heat to keep him warm he'd never make it through the winter.

Steve drug himself upright and with a shaking hand he reached for the letter.

_Steve,_

_I have loved you since we were six and a dull gray wall turned the most beautiful shade of red._

_I have loved you everyday you have been by my side. I have loved you those rare days you weren't by my side._

_Please stay home._

_For me. I need to know that you're home safe so I have a reason to come home._

_Yours forever,_

_Bucky_

He'd lied to himself, he wasn't out of tears. A new river trace itself down Steve's cheeks, down his chin, barely missing the page. Steve set the paper back were Bucky had left it and cried himself back to sleep.

It was hours before he woke. He wondered if it was even the same day. He got up and cleaned up in their tiny bathroom and dressed. He couldn't for the life of him figure out why, but he pushed himself to do it. He left the apartment and walked. He didn't even know where he was going until the Stark Expo entrance came into view. He wondered through a few booths, splurged a quarter on lunch and tried not to pretend he wasn't headed to do exactly what Bucky had begged him not to do.

It was nearly supper before he drug himself into the pavilion. He watched men step up onto the platform and look themselves in the eye before laughing and turning away. Bucky hadn't had the option of laughing away the draft. Steve wanted to be mad at them, wanted to rail at the unfairness if it.

The number of people died down and Steve took his chance. He stepped up and could barely see himself in the reflection of the glass let alone in the center were a man was suppose to look himself in the eye. His heart shattered just a little more. He stepped away and walked into a pretty sold wall, a wall of Jack Sanders.

Steve sighed. Jack's family had moved out of the old neighborhood when they were twelve. He'd had ten years of not having to deal with Jack's crap. Apparently it was time to pay for that time off. He stepped around the lug hoping he wouldn't remember him, or just let him pass. There were several armed MP's near by. But as usual with Jack, his luck didn't hold. Jack swung him around and pulled him in close. "Well if it isn't little Stevie Barnes."

"Still Rogers, Jack."

"What you to good to take Barnes's name like a good little bitch?"

Steve yanked his arm free from Jack's grip. He took a step back, biting his tongue for once.

"Oh I know, he realized what a shit color mate he got stuck with a took off with a dame. Like he's supposed to do."

That hurt Steve more than he would ever admit, even on his death bed, he'd never tell anyone how much that stray sentence hurt.

"He did." Jack's face lit up at the torment that must have flashed across Steve's face.

"No he's doing his duty to his country. He's on his way to London right now." Steve growled his fingers curling into a fist.

"Oh you gonna fight me little Steviewevie? You couldn't fight me when you were six, what makes you think that's changed?" Jack shoved Steve and Steve stumbled down a few steps, he caught himself and rushed Jack. He'd got enough moment up to barrel him into a wall. Jack cursed and swung once catching Steve in the jaw. Steve got lucky once more and landed a good solid hit to Jack's right eye. Then he was being pulled off and a gun was in Jack's face.

Steve was shuffled back behind more and more MP's. He turned and found himself handed a clipboard with all the familiar questions by a passing nurse who must not have seen the fight. He took it as a sign and tried his luck one more time, after all he was at a fair.

Then it all went to hell. The doctor left, and an MP came in.

Then there was another doctor, German accent telling him he was from Queens and wanted to know if he wanted to kill Nazis. Then he had a 1A card and a ride to New Jersey.

All through basic he tried to keep the thought away about breaking the last promise Bucky had asked him for. The one he'd never given the man of his life, but the only one the man would ever want from him. Each night the ache in his heart crept up on him as the chill of his back reminded him that he was still alone.

Then Colonel Phillips threw a dummy grenade and he passed a test he didn't know he had been taking.

That night he didn't feel the chill on his spine, he felt it in his heart. He hoped Bucky wasn't about to find out how stupid Steve was by losing ever color they could see.

Agent Carter was a woman that Steve knew Bucky would have loved. She was proud and capable and Steve still couldn't talk to her. Her red lipstick only reminded him of how Bucky and him were broken. Maybe if this serum of Erskein's worked it would fix it and they would finally find out what shades of yellow and red they had been missing.

He stepped into the chamber that was so much bigger than he was and prayed one last time that he wasn't about to distract Bucky by making him color blind again.

The chamber sealed around him and every cell in his body explodes with a pain he'd never felt before and hopes he survives to never feel again. Then he's falling out of the chamber and everything seems smaller and it's then that he realizes that he's bigger. His chest isn't tight and other than the quickly receding pain he feels better than he has in his entire life.

Bucky's gonna kill him.

Then there's a gun shot and Erskien is falling and someone is running out of the room. Steve manages to follow him with only one side trip through a single window.

He shouldn't be strong enough to rip the door off, but he is, he shouldn't be able to swim as fast as he does or pull open the hatch on the thing but he is and he should have clasped at the top of the first set of stairs but that was miles ago and he's fine.

Bucky's gonna kill him.

@@@

It's months and months before he's in Europe and weeks before he's in Azzono and sees Agent Carter. She tells him about the 107th and Steve's heart unfreezes only to rocket into the stratosphere. He rushes to Colonel Philips tent and asks for the only name in the world that means anything.

No one knows he's the Steve Rogers listed as James Barnes's color mate. No ones ever put it together. Steve tries to ask the right questions but Philips doesn't care about a lost mate. Cares about the numbers of men needed to get that one man back. And that's his job to care, but Steve cares about that one man.

He knows Bucky's still alive in that place. He knows he has to try to save him and anyone else he can.

It shouldn't be so easy to knock out the two guards in the back of the truck, shouldn't be easy to hurt these people but he has one thought. Get Bucky, so Bucky can kill him for doing the one thing he asked him not to.

There are so many men here. Hundreds, he gets them all out and tells them how to get off the base, but he doesn't see the one face he needs.

Then there he is, strapped to a table, repeating his name, rank, and serial number. Steve gets him free and they make it out of the room. Bucky's finally coherent enough to realize Steve is stooping a little to let him lean on him.

Then there's Schmidt. Then an explosion.

Bucky gets across the beam before it falls away. Steve knows the second their some place mildly private Bucky is going to lay into him. But right now all he cares about is getting to the man across the fiery factory.

@@@

The brass still hasn't figured out he's the Steve Rogers listed as James Barnes color mate and they don't point out this failure.

They work side by side for years. Bucky only tears into him, never actually gets around to killing him. Steve finally gets the courage to ask Bucky why he's not more sore at him and Bucky tells him that after the war he's going to find the strongest ropes he can get his hands on, that he might even ask Stark for help, and he's going to tie Steve to the heaviest metal chair and tell him everything he thinks about Steve's level of stupidity but at the end he tells Steve he knows that he'll forgive him because they never have to worry about another cold turning into pneumonia and killing him in front of Bucky's eyes.

@@@

Then there's a train.

Steve watches Bucky try to take on two Hydra soldiers with one gun and gets the door open finally. Together they take them out. Steve breathes for a moment and then he knows he'll never breathe again. Bucky hanging onto the side of the train where it's been peeled open like a tin can. He tries to reach Bucky's hand, falls just as Bucky does but his reflexes catch him even if his heart and mind want to fall.

At base Steve crashes into the Phillips office, "We need to get a team together. We need to get to that ravine," Steve demands.

"Son, Barnes is dead, no way he survived that fall."

"I don't know how but he did."

"Captain, Sergeant Barnes will be missed but he's gone." Phillips tried to reason with Steve.

Steve crowds the colonel backwards into the chalk board behind him and growled, "No he's not. Because that board is still green, that desk is still brown and that pen on your desk is still blue."

Phillips swallows and takes a deep breath. "Neither of you ever mentioned you were color mates."

"Why would we? If you're to stupid to look at a name..." Steve left the statement open. "He is alive."

"Captain Rogers. It is not possible. What is possible is the serum is keeping you from slipping back in to color blindness."

Steve jerked back as if Phillips had decked him.

"I'm sorry son." Phillips lays a hand on Steve's shoulder and for once the words of condolence sound sincere.

Steve spins on his heel and is out of the office before he can do more that just crowded a colonel's personal space.

The world never shifts, the ache in his heart is so heavy he thinks he'll drown in it. The bottle in his hand is still green. Peggy's lips are still mockingly red. His skin is still flesh toned pink.

They lay out the plan to take on Red Skull and Steve puts every single ounce of effort into killing the bastard.

In the end he finds it ironic the last person he'll ever see alive's face is the one color he can't see right. He wonders if in some other world if he'd have Peggy's picture in his compass instead of Bucky's. He wonders if he'd put it up on the console to look at instead of the ice he's diving for, instead he leaves it in his pocket so at least in death Bucky will still be close to his heart.

 

**Sixty-six years later**

 

Steve opens his eyes and the world is gray. His heart aches all over again. He woke up and Bucky isn't here. Is never going to be here.

He's out of the ice a few months when one morning he wakes up and his sheets are sky blue. He gasped and bolts from the bed, to trip over tennis shoes with some sort of weird green color he's never seen before.

He tries to keeps calm but everything is colored again. He sits back on his bed and does something he hasn't done since the morning Bucky shipped out, he cries himself back to sleep.

When he wakes the world is back to gray.

He takes his bike to SHIELD and tells the doctors, who tells Fury, who orders tests.

At the end of the day, they have the same number of answers he had when he came in, zero.

It happens a few more times; a day here, a week there, then Fury shows up with a folder about a blue cube that should have stayed on the bottom of the ocean.

This is one of the days were he can see the brilliant blue and remembers the red of Schmidt's face.

By the next morning it's gone.

@@@

If he's going to have color, it's always there when he wakes up. A few times the colors have faded while he was awake but it's never appeared when he was awake. So when he talks to Howard's son and the world flares to life he's shocked. He's even more shocked when later he realizes that there are certain reds that look sharper, but then...actually it's all of the reds...they just look more red. Then the other color that had always been a bit of a mystery appears in the form of Tony Stark's suit, gold.

Steve pushes Tony that first day because he saw the flare of surprise. The flare of colors splash across Tony's eyes for the first time.

"You saw them didn't you?" He asks while Bruce runs their algorithm.

"Don't know what you're talking about Spangles." Tony doesn't look at him.

"It's to bright isn't it? All the different colors? They're to much to handle all at once."

"I heard yours comes and goes."

Blandly, Steve says, "Some how I don't think yours will."

"Maybe. You know I only picked that shade of red because I loved how the gray looked."

"And now?"

"I can't imagine a better shade of red." Tony swallowed.

"When we get through this, can I take you on what ever works for a date in this time?" Steve tries to be as confident as he would have been with Bucky, but it's hard.

He doesn't want to forget Bucky. He can never forget Bucky. But Tony deserves to see colors. Everyone does. And at the end of it all they don't have to be the same as he and Bucky.

Instead at the end of the day he watches another color mate fall and is again helpless to stop it. He waits for the colors to flash away as Tony hits the ground. Instead The Hulk, in his brilliant green, catches Tony and drops in front of Steve. Thor pulls away the gold mask and Steve sees the brown of Tony's hair, the almost black of his beard, the olive skin tone, so different from Bucky's warm pink.

He still sees the golden flecks in Tony's brown eyes when they flick open at the sound of The Hulk's roar. He wants to kiss the reddish lips that are talking about something called schwarma, but he doesn't because he doesn't know if Tony wants to be part of an inverted color mate pair.

Or was that an option now? The world had changed so much in seventy years.

The team went for a spicy meat piled high on an upright rotisserie and ate mounds of it.

Steve spends the next few days listening to Fury's voice, on the phone with rulers of several counties including this one, telling them all that the threat has been eliminated and it on its way back to where it came from.

It's days before Steve realizes that the world has shifted.

It took him almost a week to understand that while he'd gained reds and golds upon meeting Anthony Edward Stark, he'd lost some of his blues. The sky wasn't as vibrant, his shield that he knew intimately, was dull, the color had faded. The blue in the file about the Teseract is wrong.

It was during their first dinner that Steve mentioned it to Tony. "I want to ask something. But I don't want it to sound insensitive."

"Ask away, I'm betting your rudest question will never come close to the nicest thing a reporter has ever asked me." Tony answers, the sarcasm thinly veiled.

"Have your blues faded?"

Tony is stunned by that question, "No, I don't think so. They seem a little dusty compared to the other colors though." Tony offered.

"Oh."

Tony could see the life deflate out of Steve. He waited because Steve seemed like someone who would explain on his own but clam up if pushed.

"The first color I ever saw was the sky. It was a brilliant shade of blue. Almost as beautiful as Bucky's eyes."

Tony spoke softly, "You know they kept it out of the history books that you two were color mates right?"

"I can imagine they didn't really like a pair of inverted like us being together." Steve said.

"No one says that anymore, inverted."

"Oh. Guess I missed that in the history lessons."

Tony shrugged, "More like they didn't know so, didn't think to mention. Did anyone know?"

Steve nodded but took a moment to drink before he spoke. Everything still ached without Bucky. "The Commandos, we told them before our first mission. Phillips, I told him after Bucky's fall." Steve's voice cracked. Tony didn't say a word, just reached across the table with its deep maroon table cloth and curled his fingers over Steve's.

Steve watched the muscles flex in Tony's hands, watched the lighter colored scars thin for a second and then lay out again. He looked up to Tony's face, "I don't want to forget him. For me it's only been a few months."

"Wouldn't actually ever ask you too." Tony smiled softly. "But I think given the situation, he wouldn't want you to keep staying in the ice."

After that they ate in a growing comfortable silence, something he was surprised to find with Tony. Tony invites him back to his lab and that is where they share their first kiss.

Tony's sitting on one of his workbenches, they had been talking about the heliocarrier engine modifications he's creating for Fury, Steve had been listening trying to understand, and he did for the most part. He picked up a few electrical and mechanical engineering books, and while he hadn't learned thermonuclear fusion over night, he understood the basics now.

But there was something in the way Tony's eyes lit up and the golden flecks looked brighter, he found himself leaning forward and pressing his lips to Tony's. He held Tony's face like Bucky had done to him for their first kiss. Tony was so much more bold than he'd ever been. He felt Tony's legs wrap around his waist, bringing them so close to each other.

He felt as free as he did the day he gave in and ignored the Fathers' teachings and let himself feel good about being in Bucky's arms.

Tony moaned and shivered. He broke the kiss in favor of small nips along Steve's jaw. His hands slid down from Steve's back to his ass, the sensation of hands on him again made Steve shiver. He wasn't sure he was ready to give that part of himself to anyone other than Bucky. Not yet.

But it seemed Tony wasn't after that anyways. Tony reached for his belt buckle and if flopped open, his button and zipper were next, the weight of the belt holding them open. He felt Tony's fingers caress his skin and his whole body rolled with the sensation of another person touching him again.

This he could do. He popped the snap on Tony's painted on jeans and worked to unzip the seated man's pants, Tony helps a little by arching away from Steve, and Steve frees Tony. They groaned at the feeling of touching each other, of being touched. It doesn't take long before the sounds in the lab are only harsh breathing and shifting skin.

Steve feels Tony stiffen and knows what's to come, he kisses Tony as he lets go and they paint each other's hands white. Tony whimpered and Steve's heartache lessens a degree.

As they pant through the aftermath Tony whispers, "I really hope you let me ride that soon, because this was just a teaser. It's all I'm going to be able to dream about until I can."

Steve moaned and shivered. Was there anyway he could resist a request like that? "Will you let me take you upstairs?" He asks, because even if Tony says no, he's going to anyways.

"Yeah, a bed is a great idea. Heavenly in fact."

Steve knows how much he hated it, as a little guy, but he picks up Tony and carries him to the elevator.

Tony moans and wraps his arms around Steve's neck, pulling him in for another kiss. Before he knows it, Tony's back is on his soft sheets and Steve is kneeling over him.

He twists to reach under the pillow for the bottle hidden there, and presses in against Steve's hand.

They work at getting each other clothing free, but it's not hurried. Steve kisses ever scar he can find as he pulls Tony's shirt away. Tony caress every inch of skin he can reach when Steve's shirt falls away.

Steve keeps a tally of every scar he finds on Tony. There are to many for a man who was never a soldier, for a man who covers himself in armor, both metal and mentally.

Steve's ever so careful when he presses the first finger into Tony, who's head rocks at the remembered pleasure to come. "More." Tony whispers, his eyes hooded and even more golden than before. Steve does what's asked and his heart unfurls just a bit more as Tony gasps and moans.

Tony begs him before he thinks its safe for Tony. His litany of "Please Steve, Steve please," destroying his willpower.

He shifts up pulling his hand free, Tony shoves a small towel at him and Steve wonders how often Tony's lain like this, how often in these last few weeks he could have had this.

Pressing into Tony is exactly the right feeling. Steve's been perpetually cold since he woke, but the warmth of Tony's body pulling him in, he can feel the heat bloom through out his own body. Steve knows now how much torture he put Bucky through all those years.

"More." Tony whispers again.

Steve gives him more and their lips find each other again. They stay together as they drag each other to that fine edge. Steve pushes Tony over first with a shift and a hip roll and three long drags over the swollen gland, but as Tony falls, he catches Steve and pulls him over with him, with a shout, a shiver and a clench.

Steve's vision goes all white and his heart clenches but the the red of the sheets come into view, the beautiful tan of Tony's skin is there, and Steve rolls to the side to see a ceiling of gray with silver flecks shimmering across it.

He dozes off and on with Tony curled next to him for a few hours. In the end his stomach and his metabolism drive him from Tony's bed. He pulls the red duvet over Tony's shoulders and slips off to the kitchen.

He finds a large box left over Chinese in the fridge and eats it standing up. Then a bowl of cereal just to keep a head of his stomach for five minutes. There's a blue haze in the darkened hallway that can only be a shirtless Tony.

He sets his bowl in the sink as Tony rounds the corner. "Hm, food. I wondered where my new personal heater had gotten off to." Tony wrapped his arms around Steve's waist.

"Takes a lot to run this warm."

"I imagine."

Steve had slipped on his khakis before he left Tony's room, Tony however had only slipped on a robe. Steve could feel the hardness of Tony's cock against his leg. He kissed Tony and decided to give Tony the only first he had left to give.

He knelt in front of Tony and parted the robe. He kissed Tony's stomach and a few more scars he hadn't reached yet, his hands are free to go about their desires when the robes sash fluttered to the floor, the golden material teasing him with its new beauty.

"I've never done this, so maybe grade on a curve." Steve whispered, kissing the head of Tony's flushed cock.

"Think pass/fail works fine and you've already passed."

Steve looked up at Tony as he took him in his mouth. The silky velvet texture so different on his tongue than in his hand. He does the best he can, which is apparently pretty good from the moans, gasps and flow of words that fall from Tony's mouth.

"Fuck pass fail, you're getting your doctorate straight out of the gates, magnum cum laude, and everything."

Steve felt Tony's fingers in his hair and he hummed at the pleasure spike that went through him. The fingers tightened to then spasm and flatten themselves out. He whimpers at their loss, and then their back. He hums again and Tony surges in his mouth and he tastes Tony for the first time.

He gently suckles Tony's cock as he softens until Tony makes an almost pained sound.

Steve wonders what he looks like, are his lips red and puffy from the friction? Are his eyes bluer from his unanswered arousal?

He sets Tony on the counter and pushed his khakis down enough to wrap a hand around himself. He stoops and picks up the sash, wrapping it around his hand. The golden color makes him think it should feel warm but the silk is cool and he shivers as it glides over his overheated skin.

He watches the gold slip back and forth over his own golden skin. Had his skin always looked like this? Or just after the serum? He hears Tony's moan and he tears his eyes away from the gold to meet brown eyes. They say nothing, and Steve wants to watch Tony but he can't not watch the gold.

He looks down again and Tony's hand comes into view, playing across his stomach. The red of Tony's robe sends him over and he comes all over the golden sash.

He wants to collapse but some how manages to stay up right.

"Let's get you back to bed." Tony slips down off the counter and shoulders his weight. They shuffle to the bed and Steve pours himself into it. He feels Tony unwinds the gold from his hand and then a swipe of the towel on his hand. That is the last thing he feels before sleep pulls him under for the remainder of the night.

@@@

The Asset doesn't remember if their were colors the last time he woke, but the true gray of the world is different. Only somethings are gray, some are white, a true white, some things are black. But in this room there are greens and a red above the door proclaiming it an exit.

The Asset steps from the chamber to see pink feet touch the green floor. A dark brown hand strikes his face. He turns towards it and finds it attached to a man with yellow teeth. The yellow seems like it's wrong. It seems like it's faded some how, like the light above the door.

The Asset doesn't mention any of this to his handlers, it won't affect the mission.

The next time the hand that slaps him, it is pale white, the Asset has a passing thought of sickly. Like he's seen that before on someone he knew.

The red and yellows still feel wrong. The blues are brilliant in comparison. The blue of the sky reminds him of the pale sickly skin and he doesn't know why.

@@@

Steve wakes one morning to a brilliant blue beside him. He blinks and tries to figure out what it could be. Logically he knows it's Tony. His reactor glowing next to him. But he's come to know that glow in the last few weeks and this is not that. He rolls over and sees his shield leaning against the wall where it found its place.

He gasps as he sees the brilliant blue he's known for years. The luminance of it that saved his life so many times. Steve scrambles out of bed to the landing pad and looks to the sky. It's blue, the blue that he remembers from that day so many years ago.

He startles at the hand on his shoulder. He turns and Tony is there with his olive skin, red robe and gold sash and Steve hugs him tight.

"Steve?"

"My blues are back. Can you see how beautiful the sky is? I can't pick my favorite." Steve cries. "That sky, your skin or the sash." Steve kneels and looks up at his favorite things.

Tony smiles, but it's a sad smile. He brushes a stray lock of hair from Steve's forehead, "Looks the same to me."

Steve heart breaks. No! Why can't Tony see the amazing blue above him? Another tear streams down him face.

"I wish I could see your blues. I know your eyes are blue. I see it, but I know it's not the trueness of their blue. I know it's shadowed, faded, washed away." Tony says quietly.

Steve let's the sob escape and pulls Tony down into his arms. They sit that way for some time.

Steve wakes two days later to the blues being muted again and he cries at their loss. He hold the memory of their wonder. 

@@@

It goes on like that for three years. Just as it had before he met Tony. Only instead of losing everything, he just losses his beautiful blues. He wonders if the serum broke him, or if the ice did. The blue of the water and ice is logical.

Then he goes on a mission with Natasha, and the world explodes into chaos and heart ache again.

It's weeks before he can get back to Tony. In that time his blues have never left. And with the file Natasha just gave him, he understands now.

He takes the file to Tony and sits in a place he's never sat before with Tony. He use to do it all the time with Bucky. He gives this to Tony and sits on the floor between his feet and hands his lover the file on his lover.

He waits until the last page is read before he speaks. "He never died that day. Phillips was convinced that I kept my colors because of the serum. When I woke up here and the world was black and white for the first time since 1923 I knew I'd failed him. I didn't argue hard enough to find him. I let them take him away from me. Now I understand that each time I got my colors back he was being pulled from cryo." Steve hadn't looked at Tony yet, but he did now. "When we met and I saw red, true red for the first time, I didn't understand it. Your gold is so astounding it takes my breath away. But I lost my sky when I found it. I lost my first color."

Steve swallowed and hoped what he said next didn't destroy his gold.

"I need my blue. I need it as much as I need my gold. Will you let me find my blue again?"

Tony saw the pain and agony in Steve's faded eyes. How could he say no to the man who was asking to find the person who'd given him his colors.

"Go. Jarvis will help you were he can." Tony's voice cracked. "Be careful. I like my gold to."

Steve nodded and kissed Tony goodbye.

@@@

Two years, Sam and he had been looking for Bucky, there were flashes of silver, glimpse of a red star, steaks of brown hair, and blue eyes in a crowd. Finally Steve stopped chasing and went home to wait for his blue to come to him.

@@@

Six months. It took six months for the man he had loved since he was six to come to him. To show up on the penthouse floor, in a chair in the dark, an hour after Tony finally came to bed from a night of working with Bruce, now that they'd gotten him back after the mess in Slovakia.

Steve woke for no reason, and that was reason enough to to keep still and keep his breathing even, for him to shift in his false slumber for the gun at the top of the mattress.

"It's not there." Came the voice, so much like how it sounded in '45 but accented in a way it shouldn't be.

Steve stilled, waiting to see what would happen.

"You woke up three years ago."

"Yes."

"They pulled me out of cryo and I could see the green floor."

"When I first woke the world was black and white. And I knew I'd failed you in '45. I knew I should have walked away from Philips and found you. They convinced me that it was the serum. That you were gone but the serum had left me with the colors. But the serum hadn't fixed the red and golds for us. But logically it made so much more sense."

"It does."

"I've been such a fool. The first time I woke up a saw colors again, I should have known you survived. I should have started looking for you. But I didn't know, no one knew the cryogenics was possible. Each time they put you back I lost them."

Steve tempted fate and rolled to his side, looked where Bucky's voice came from, there was a shadow in the darkness. "I met Tony while you were asleep again. The colors never appeared when I was awake. Only ever woke to them. But we sniped at each other and shoved each other and suddenly there they were. But this time was different than when we met. His suit is red and gold."

Steve could make out the breath Bucky held. "I found my red and gold but I lost my blue. I finally understood what was missing all those years. We saw the reds and golds but they were faded, washed out." Steve slowly sat up.

"One morning I woke up and Tony's reactor was so brilliant, such a vibrant blue... The sky was the same as it was the first time I saw it. For the first time in my life I saw the world the way it was supposed to be. But only half of me was here."

Steve stood and slowly walked towards Bucky. "Tony couldn't see it. It was the same washed out blue he'd seen since we met."

He knelt in front of his first love. "Then it was gone. You were asleep again. It was months before I saw the sky, but the day I saw it next, you tried to kill me."

Bucky turned away.

Steve whispered, "It wasn't you. It was never you."

"I remember, now...seeing the colors fade away from me. It wasn't all at once. I didn't blink and the world was black and white. Everything just faded out, everything was diluted with more and more grey until that was all that was left. There was random blue tile on the floor of my cell. It was the last to go."

Steve reached out and traced the seam of Bucky's tactical pants.

"For years, I traced over that tile, eventually not knowing why it mattered. Even to the point that when they said they were closing the base and I overheard, I spent two nights prying it up." Bucky's metal fingers shifted on his leg. "I knew that I wouldn't be awake for the move. But I had to have that tile. I swallowed it."

Steve cringed.

"Took three cycles before I got that little square back." Bucky shrugged. "I wouldn't suggest doing any sort of item retrieval in the field with nothing but a knife and a pack of gauze. Nice thing about metal fingers and ceramic tile though, they clink." Bucky flashed a tile from nowhere. "I don't know how I've managed to keep it for fifty years. It was the first blue I saw when you woke up."

Steve offered, "Sky blue sheets."

"Is he coming to bed or are you two taking this to the living room?" Tony's sleep worn voice was heard. "I function on no sleep, but if I get to sleep I need at least four and I've only had one," he knew he was rambling, but sleep.

Steve and Bucky turned to the lump on the bed. It was buried under sheets and duvet. No part of Tony could be seen in the dark. "If he wants." Steve offered.

Tony mumbled into his pillow, "A Barnes sandwich is my vote, but his vote counts as three."

"I still have nightmares."

"We all do, Jax," Tony said, referring to the Mortal Combat character with bionic arms.

Bucky turned his head, "Pretty sure I'm not a negro."

"Hm, you got that one. But we don't use that word anymore."

Bucky unlaced one boot then the other. He stood kicking them off, as he pulled his shirt off. He took the few steps needed to the bed and stood for a moment. Tony lifted the sheets up Bucky reached for them at the same time, their fingers brushed over the fabric and the light from the reactor spilt free.

Bucky inhaled, the color was ethereal. Tony cracked an eye and jerked up right. "Holy shit." His hands went to his chest and covered the light.

"Tony?" Steve came around the bed and reached for him. "Are you alright?"

"What the hell is going on Steve, it's blue."

Steve's face scrunched up in confusion, "It's always been blue."

"No, it's blue blue. Jarvis, lights. Run a diagnostic on the reactor. Something's wrong."

As the lights brightened, Bucky sank to his knees and gasped, the comforter, it was a brilliant red, nothing he'd ever seen before, the gold piping was spectacular.

"Stevie?"

Steve looked between his two lovers, both caressing the colors they'd never seen before. Tony, the true blue of the reactor and Bucky the red and gold they'd been missing all time they'd grown up.

He couldn't keep the smile from his face. "Jarvis, there's no need for the scan. The reactors fine. Tony look at me." Steve turned to Tony.

Tony looked up and cried out. "Your eyes!"

"Bucky had your blue. Just like you had his red, his gold."

Bucky jerked up and stared at the men before him. "There such a thing as a three way color mate?"

"Is there such a thing as a cryogenically frozen serum enhanced super soldier with a bionic arm or a naturally frozen serum enhanced super soldier or even a miniaturized arc reactor embedded in the chest of a man?" Steve asked.

Bucky all but whispered, "His eyes, Stevie. There's gold in them."

Tony answered the compliment with one of his own, "And both of yours are the most perfect shade of blue I will ever see."

Bucky pulled the tile back out from his pocket, he let it warm in his flesh hand before he took it and set it in Tony's hand. "Keep it, him, safe for me?"

The tile was exactly the same color as Steve's eyes. Tony nodded and slipped off the bed, he walked to a box on his dresser and pulled something out. He got back on the bed and held a hand out to the men.

"I made these years ago. Days after I saw colors for the first time. I never knew why I made an extra. Just put as my need to backup everything. Now, I think, I somehow knew you would be here someday."

Tony opened his hand and there were three rings.

Red, Gold and Blue, the colors wrapped into each other and around each other but never changing. "I couldn't see the blue but Jarvis told me it was the exact shade of Steve's shield. Now I know it is. I made these the day of our first date. Hours before you asked me about the blues."

A tear spilled down Steve's cheek. Bucky reached out and brushed it away. A smile bloomed across Bucky's face, "Think Jack's still kicken'?"

Steve snorted at the thought of Jack Sanders, he pushed Bucky's shoulder, he held back the flinch as warm skin felt cold metal. "Jerk."

"Punk."

Both men turned to Tony, each man reaching out and pulling the third into them.

"As much as I want this to be something else, I do need sleep." Tony said around a yawn.

Bucky let go of Tony first. Tony laid down and pulled Bucky next to him. Bucky shook his head. "Steve should be in the middle."

Tony shrugged, "That's fine. Which side of him do you want?"

Bucky tipped his head to the side, his hair falling over his eyes, a memory working free, "Left."

Steve brushed away another tear that ran free. "You were always on my left."

Bucky shrugged, "Better ear."

Tony knew most of Steve's pre-serum issues, either through Howard's files or conversations with Steve these last few years, so he knew Steve had been mostly deaf in his right ear. "That's fine, I could have worked with that, I've always been a loudmouth."

Steve worked his way between the two men and felt at peace for the first time, ever. He always thought he'd been whole growing up with Bucky. But now, in this moment, he realized there had always been something missing, something distinctly Tony shaped.

**Author's Note:**

> http://stuckonstoney.tumblr.com/post/134220793662/this-is-what-gets-turned-into
> 
> So here's the screenshots that started this fic.
> 
> The kid texts me and shit new fic to write.
> 
> (The random line about the bird was a bad autocorrect about me saying that cat and brought a live bird in the house again)


End file.
